| Powder Monkey January 2012 |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
| |
 |
Short
Story #8
Story #8
| Stepping Out b y Tony Rivari |
Ah, the question. Do I start now or later?
Ward stood in a dark corner of the carport and watched several roaches move
towards a pile of crackers he had placed in the center of the floor.
Now is this nice tempting the little critters this way? Who cares? They’re
roaches. Freeloader. Parasites. They offer the world nothing of value. Huh, where
have I seem that combo before. Ah yes, that group of slime balls who did that month
long sit in down at the courthouse. Dang did I want to take a fire hose and give them
all baths. Yeah, especially that red head. She had a couple of reasons to listen to her
noise. Better I did nothing. Got to stay out of people’s lives. Huh, maybe I did blow
it. Could have made it rain the entire time they were there. Nay, then there’d be all
types of pollution in the river. It’s messed up enough right now thanks to what those
libs did to it. Thinking they knew more that Mother Nature. Oh well, back to reality,
whatever that is. Ah yeah. I’m about to have a lot of fun. Now is this real clean
natural fun or a sick, perverted desire to have cruel fun?
For several minutes Ward silently watched the number of roaches grow. They
seem to come from all directions, but one more that the rest.
Can’t be clean, they’re roaches. Shelly’ll never let me heard the end of doing
something that brought together that many bugs. Guess I better take care of the
matter before she calls me in for diner. . . .Nay, lets let them all get here first.
The more the merrier.
A minute later Ward scanned the area. Okay, don’t see any new bugs. Must be
about time. Slowly a Cheshire Cat smile appeared. Now I lay thee down to sleep. I
pray its off to hell you go.
Suddenly the carport overhead light came on. As that was happening Ward leaped
towards the pile of roaches and crackers screaming as if he was doing a banzai charge.
As soon as he landed he began a Mexican Hat Dance.
Snap, Crack, Pop, Squash.
The sounds were repeat many times as Ward stepped about like a mad man. He
wanted to be sure none of the six legged monsters got away. None did.
The dance stopped as the hunter slowed his movement and scanned the area to see
if he missed any prey. When nothing was seen moving the victorious warrior stood
proudly, pushed his chest out and smiled.
Now, lets answer that question. It was real clean fun in that none of them will
be entering the house and causing Shelly to rant and rave. Oh, can she do that. It
was sick fun cause a person shouldn’t get that much pleasure out of killing
something. . . . What the hell am I thinking? They’re roaches. Germ carrying
disease spreading bugs. There’s no reason for them to exist. Yeeks! Hope the ACLU
doesn’t hear that. Talk about the way shit would hit the fan. Ah the diner bell.
In a flash the wide spread smashed remains of roaches and crackers disappeared.
Ah, it’s nice to the mage. I can do amazing things.
#
“Hey, Hon. Caroline will be home next week.” Ward spoke as he walked towards
the dining room. As he passed through kitchen a large rum and cola floated to him.
“What? Harry was just here last week. I’ll call him tomorrow. Hope he can get
over here to spray before she gets home.”
“What? Why? I just killed all of her little pets.”
“Yeah, right. Remember what happened last time she came home from one of her
long vacations? Her bug man came and sprayed her house, you played big game hunter
and we had lots of six legged visitors for weeks. No, I’m calling Harry in the morning.”
Ward wrapped his arms around the love of his life. “You won’t be able to call
from Paris.”
“You’re going to debug this place?" Shelly seemed skeptic.
“Of course. I’m the universe’s best mage. I can do anything.” Spoken with a firm
sense of confidence.
Shelly looked him in the eyes. “You better. You also better enjoy Paris. If we
come home and I see even one bug– ”
“One bug? No Way! Look Hon, we live in the deep South. No matter how clean
you keep the house or how much magic I threw around, there’s going to be– ”
“Are you saying my house is full of bugs?” If darts could shot forth from eyes
Ward would be a pin cushion.
“I . . . I– ”
“I’d shut up if I were you. You’re swimming in it right now. Now let’s get to
Paris. The new fashion lines were revealed today and I saw the cutest little dress and
blouse combo.” Her finger landed on his nose. “If I see one. . . Okay, two bugs
when we get home– ”
“I know, it’s the couch for a week.”
“Week? For bugging my house, it’s a month.”
Ouch. Is life with her worth all this? Dang right it is! She can step on me
anytime.
Ward stood in a dark corner of the carport and watched several roaches move
towards a pile of crackers he had placed in the center of the floor.
Now is this nice tempting the little critters this way? Who cares? They’re
roaches. Freeloader. Parasites. They offer the world nothing of value. Huh, where
have I seem that combo before. Ah yes, that group of slime balls who did that month
long sit in down at the courthouse. Dang did I want to take a fire hose and give them
all baths. Yeah, especially that red head. She had a couple of reasons to listen to her
noise. Better I did nothing. Got to stay out of people’s lives. Huh, maybe I did blow
it. Could have made it rain the entire time they were there. Nay, then there’d be all
types of pollution in the river. It’s messed up enough right now thanks to what those
libs did to it. Thinking they knew more that Mother Nature. Oh well, back to reality,
whatever that is. Ah yeah. I’m about to have a lot of fun. Now is this real clean
natural fun or a sick, perverted desire to have cruel fun?
For several minutes Ward silently watched the number of roaches grow. They
seem to come from all directions, but one more that the rest.
Can’t be clean, they’re roaches. Shelly’ll never let me heard the end of doing
something that brought together that many bugs. Guess I better take care of the
matter before she calls me in for diner. . . .Nay, lets let them all get here first.
The more the merrier.
A minute later Ward scanned the area. Okay, don’t see any new bugs. Must be
about time. Slowly a Cheshire Cat smile appeared. Now I lay thee down to sleep. I
pray its off to hell you go.
Suddenly the carport overhead light came on. As that was happening Ward leaped
towards the pile of roaches and crackers screaming as if he was doing a banzai charge.
As soon as he landed he began a Mexican Hat Dance.
Snap, Crack, Pop, Squash.
The sounds were repeat many times as Ward stepped about like a mad man. He
wanted to be sure none of the six legged monsters got away. None did.
The dance stopped as the hunter slowed his movement and scanned the area to see
if he missed any prey. When nothing was seen moving the victorious warrior stood
proudly, pushed his chest out and smiled.
Now, lets answer that question. It was real clean fun in that none of them will
be entering the house and causing Shelly to rant and rave. Oh, can she do that. It
was sick fun cause a person shouldn’t get that much pleasure out of killing
something. . . . What the hell am I thinking? They’re roaches. Germ carrying
disease spreading bugs. There’s no reason for them to exist. Yeeks! Hope the ACLU
doesn’t hear that. Talk about the way shit would hit the fan. Ah the diner bell.
In a flash the wide spread smashed remains of roaches and crackers disappeared.
Ah, it’s nice to the mage. I can do amazing things.
#
“Hey, Hon. Caroline will be home next week.” Ward spoke as he walked towards
the dining room. As he passed through kitchen a large rum and cola floated to him.
“What? Harry was just here last week. I’ll call him tomorrow. Hope he can get
over here to spray before she gets home.”
“What? Why? I just killed all of her little pets.”
“Yeah, right. Remember what happened last time she came home from one of her
long vacations? Her bug man came and sprayed her house, you played big game hunter
and we had lots of six legged visitors for weeks. No, I’m calling Harry in the morning.”
Ward wrapped his arms around the love of his life. “You won’t be able to call
from Paris.”
“You’re going to debug this place?" Shelly seemed skeptic.
“Of course. I’m the universe’s best mage. I can do anything.” Spoken with a firm
sense of confidence.
Shelly looked him in the eyes. “You better. You also better enjoy Paris. If we
come home and I see even one bug– ”
“One bug? No Way! Look Hon, we live in the deep South. No matter how clean
you keep the house or how much magic I threw around, there’s going to be– ”
“Are you saying my house is full of bugs?” If darts could shot forth from eyes
Ward would be a pin cushion.
“I . . . I– ”
“I’d shut up if I were you. You’re swimming in it right now. Now let’s get to
Paris. The new fashion lines were revealed today and I saw the cutest little dress and
blouse combo.” Her finger landed on his nose. “If I see one. . . Okay, two bugs
when we get home– ”
“I know, it’s the couch for a week.”
“Week? For bugging my house, it’s a month.”
Ouch. Is life with her worth all this? Dang right it is! She can step on me
anytime.