| POWDER MONKEY July 2010 |
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Short Story #8
| Why Don't You Just Pay The Fine? by Roger Campbell |
“All rise.”
Before the Bailiff finished the announcement and the people in the room
had a chance to stand the Judge took his seat. Apparently used to this rapid
entry the Bailiff immediately called the first case.
Very respectfully a man clad in a black business suit approached the
bench. Before the man had a chance to say anything the Judge began a long
rant reading him the riot act for speeding through the town. The victim barely
had time to plead Not Guilty before the Judge slapped him with the largest fine
possible.
As the spectacle continued with the second and third preys Shelly leaned
over so she could whisper to Ward. The pair were seated in the back of the
courtroom watching the floorshow.
“Why don’t you just pay the fine?”
Ward did not look at her or respond except to smile.
“Ward, you’re going to lose. That judge is as crooked as a Dogwood
tree.”
“Don’t insult Dogwood trees. They’ve had a rough time of it since that little
incident.”
“Ward.”
“Relax, do I ever lose?”
“You haven’t gone up against a crook like that one. You know you’re
already guilty.”
“I’m never guilty and he’s a pussy cat. Now hush, they called my case.”
As if he was going up to a podium to accept an award Ward walked
towards the Judge. As he passed one of the policemen Ward remarked.
“Hey, you ever get all four of those tires fixed?”
Several of his fellow law enforcers had to hold the Officer back. Ward
smiled as he strolled forth.
A wide eyed girl friend watched Ward act as if nothing was wrong. Why
won’t he just pay the fine?
With Ward standing beside him in front of the Judge the Bailiff spoke.
“Case 123456789. Violation of Georgia Code 40-6-181. Doing 58 in a 40 mph
zone. How do you plead?”
Before Ward could answer the Judge began the same rant he gave the
previous cases. But Ward was not the previous cases.
“Hold it, will you.” Ward put up his hands as if he was signaling the Judge
to stop. A shocked courtroom stared at the suppose-to-be victim. Finally the
Judge started to speak only again to be cut off by Ward.
In her own state of shock Shelly shook her head. Why won’t he pay the
fine? I don’t want to walk home.
“Your Honor.“ Ward spoke in a calm manner. “If you don’t mind. I’ve
already heard that speech. You gave it to your three victims. Now lets save
some time. Just tell the Court Steno to enter into the records that you gave
your standard riot act, BS speech and lets get on with my proving what a
kangaroo court this is.”
Shelly’s jaw almost hit the floor. She thought she knew her boy friend. He
was bold, rash and never backed down from anything. But this?
After a moment to regain his composure, a red faced Judge yelled,
“Kangaroo Court? That’s sound like contempt!”
“Not yet. That comes later.”
Shelly could not believe how calm Ward appeared. As she asked herself
what he meant by ‘later’ the Judge rudely did ask. “What do you mean by
later?”
“I’m sorry, I presumed you understood the word. Later means at a point
in the future. Now Your Honor, first thing I would like to do is ask the Officer
why he choose my vehicle to give a ticket to.”
“Huh?” Standing off to the side was the policeman who had given Ward
the speeding ticket, the same one who was asked about the tires. The cop did
not seem to expect any questions.
Shelly covered her face. How long is this going to go on?
“It’s an easy question. Why did you give me the ticket when there were
two other cars going faster? Did I look like the easy mark?”
“That attitude will not be allowed.” The Judge snapped.
“I’ll apologize for the ‘attitude,’ but I still would like an answer. Why was
my car chosen?”
“Yours was the only car speeding” The Officer appeared to regain his
confidence.
“Not true Your Honor.” Ward turned and faced the Judge. “I maintained
the same distance behind a white SUV from the time we turned onto 96 from
341. Thus if I was speeding so was he. Also just before the officer turned on
his lights a bronze Toyota soared pass me. The Officer had to have seen the
flash.”
After a pause the Officer asked. “How do you know it was a Toyota and
you don’t know what the SUV was?”
“Nice try junior. - “
”Young man. I will not allow you to be disrespectful to the Officer.”
I’m walking home. Why didn’t I wear those sneakers?
“Your Honor,” Ward pointed his finger at the Judge as he snapped. “Don’t
call me a young man again. You don’t know how old I am and according to
Judge Lander your robe doesn’t give you the authority to insult people.”
“You don’t know Lander.” The Judge seemed to question his statement.
“Played poker with him last night. Sucker for an inside straight.” Ward
smiled as he turned to and nodded at Shelly. All she could think was, Why won’
t he just pay that damn fine?
“Okay, maybe you do know Harry.” For a moment the Judge appeared to
be thinking. “Now answer the question. How did you know it was a Toyota and
don’t know what the SUV was?”
“Ah, maybe because the Toyota passed me in the other lane and the
SUV was couple hundred yards ahead.” Ward turned to the Officer. “Now if I
saw the Toyota why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t see a Toyota.”
“Okay, I’ll accept you don’t know your cars. Why didn’t you see the
bronze car - ”
“One more statement like that and you’re headed for a cell.”
“Your Honor. If I’m not going to be allowed to defend myself as per the
law , why don’t we cut to the chase. You admit this is a kangaroo court and just
throw me in jail. I’m not going to roll over like those three patsies.”
I am walking home. Wonder if Sally will come out here and get me.
Shelly was trying to stay down out of sight. This was not what she excepted
The Judge sat back. This was not going as usual. As the Judge thought
Ward resumed his defense or maybe it was his attack.
“I want to congratulate the Officer on his speed. I’ve never seen a ticket
written so fast and I know several policemen in Columbus. What do you do,
have them pre-written?” Before either the Officer or Judge could speak the
assault continued. Holding up an insurance card Ward remarked. “This card is
up to date. The one I handed you was not. And since you didn’t get inside your
car there’s no way you could have checked using your computer to see if I was
driving legally. Watch it Cowboy, that was a chance for another ticket. Lost
revenue for the Judge.”
The Officer stood dumbfounded. An open mouth Judge kept shifting his
attention between Ward and the Officer. Shelly walked up to the Deputy Sheriff
standing by the door. “Is there a way I can pay his fine and we end this
misery?”
“Maam, if there was, I won’t tell you. This is great. I want to see what
happens.”
“Your Honor,” Ward pressed his attack. He was in control and wanted to
keep it that way. “I’m going to use his own words to prove he either doesn’t
care what he records or isn’t smart to understand what’s told him.”
“Sargent Ringer - ”
“So that is his real name.” Ward acted surprised.
“Yes it is and don’t interrupt me again or I will hit you with contempt. I’m
already tired of you.”
“Told you, contempt is for later. Now if you would look at the Remarks
section of the ticket.” Ward pressed on.
Shelly looked to see if there was a way she could sneak out of the room. I’
m going to find some way to pay that damn fine! This is ridiculous.
“I never told the cop I was a coach, I never have been nor have even
helped coach. Never claimed to.” The Officer started to step forward, “See this
shirt? It’s the same one I was wearing when you stopped me. It says
Commissioner. See this word sown here?” Ward pointed out the embroidering
to the Officer and Judge. “I said I was headed for Auburn not Alabama to enroll
kids, not coach them. Now I did tell him I was trying not to speed. I didn’t
mention that I knew Reynold was the state’s speed trap capital.”
The Judge started to stand and say something. As he did that Shelly
pulled out her phone and began texting, Sally I need a ride. . .
“Hey, ya’ll have worked hard for the title, enjoy it.” Ward was beaming as
he spoke. “Now I want to see his Calibration Log for his radar gun. Also his
Post Radar Certificate Card. And the grade report for that hill where the so
called speeding occurred.”
“What? We don’t have time for that. They don’t matter. I - ” The Judge
was clearly irate.
“The Codes and Judge Lander say I have a right to - ”
“I don’t care what that old buzzard says, I’m the law in Reynolds - ”
“Not any longer.” Yelled a man from the other side of the room as he
stood.
“That’s it. I’m not taking anymore.” The Judge screamed as he pointed to
the man.
“And nether am I.” The man pulled off a wig and false moustache.
“Deputy, you know me. I want him out of here now.” He pointed to the Judge
than the door.
“Yes, Your Honor. . . . Judge, lets go.”
For a moment the Judge stood and looked around as if he was in a state
of shock.
“Judge, not going to ask you again.” The Deputy pointed towards the
door leading to the Judge’s chamber.
As the Judge was lead out of the room Shelly and the man with authority
approached Ward.
Ward gave his girl friend a hug. “See, I told you everything was alright.
Hon, meet Judge Lander.”
“Glad to meet you, He’s said a lot of nice things about you. Couldn’t
believe all of them were true.” Lander gave her hand a quick kiss.
Shelly looked at the two men. “What the hell is going on?”
“While we were playing last night I asked him how to fight the ticket.”
“It was what I was looking for.” Judge Lander interrupted. “This place has
been a legal sore in my district for years. Finally I had a way to sneak in here
and see for myself. Knew your boy friend would keep everyone busy so I won’t
be recognized. Thanks.”
“Glad to help.”
“Ah, what about Ward’s ticket?” Shelly asked.
“Go home. I’ve got to do some paperwork cleaning up this mess. That
ticket will disappear.”
“Now is that legal?” Ward smiled as he asked.
“I’m the law in this district.” The Judge also smiled. “The difference is I
follow the law. So I’m a sucker for an inside straight?”
Before the Bailiff finished the announcement and the people in the room
had a chance to stand the Judge took his seat. Apparently used to this rapid
entry the Bailiff immediately called the first case.
Very respectfully a man clad in a black business suit approached the
bench. Before the man had a chance to say anything the Judge began a long
rant reading him the riot act for speeding through the town. The victim barely
had time to plead Not Guilty before the Judge slapped him with the largest fine
possible.
As the spectacle continued with the second and third preys Shelly leaned
over so she could whisper to Ward. The pair were seated in the back of the
courtroom watching the floorshow.
“Why don’t you just pay the fine?”
Ward did not look at her or respond except to smile.
“Ward, you’re going to lose. That judge is as crooked as a Dogwood
tree.”
“Don’t insult Dogwood trees. They’ve had a rough time of it since that little
incident.”
“Ward.”
“Relax, do I ever lose?”
“You haven’t gone up against a crook like that one. You know you’re
already guilty.”
“I’m never guilty and he’s a pussy cat. Now hush, they called my case.”
As if he was going up to a podium to accept an award Ward walked
towards the Judge. As he passed one of the policemen Ward remarked.
“Hey, you ever get all four of those tires fixed?”
Several of his fellow law enforcers had to hold the Officer back. Ward
smiled as he strolled forth.
A wide eyed girl friend watched Ward act as if nothing was wrong. Why
won’t he just pay the fine?
With Ward standing beside him in front of the Judge the Bailiff spoke.
“Case 123456789. Violation of Georgia Code 40-6-181. Doing 58 in a 40 mph
zone. How do you plead?”
Before Ward could answer the Judge began the same rant he gave the
previous cases. But Ward was not the previous cases.
“Hold it, will you.” Ward put up his hands as if he was signaling the Judge
to stop. A shocked courtroom stared at the suppose-to-be victim. Finally the
Judge started to speak only again to be cut off by Ward.
In her own state of shock Shelly shook her head. Why won’t he pay the
fine? I don’t want to walk home.
“Your Honor.“ Ward spoke in a calm manner. “If you don’t mind. I’ve
already heard that speech. You gave it to your three victims. Now lets save
some time. Just tell the Court Steno to enter into the records that you gave
your standard riot act, BS speech and lets get on with my proving what a
kangaroo court this is.”
Shelly’s jaw almost hit the floor. She thought she knew her boy friend. He
was bold, rash and never backed down from anything. But this?
After a moment to regain his composure, a red faced Judge yelled,
“Kangaroo Court? That’s sound like contempt!”
“Not yet. That comes later.”
Shelly could not believe how calm Ward appeared. As she asked herself
what he meant by ‘later’ the Judge rudely did ask. “What do you mean by
later?”
“I’m sorry, I presumed you understood the word. Later means at a point
in the future. Now Your Honor, first thing I would like to do is ask the Officer
why he choose my vehicle to give a ticket to.”
“Huh?” Standing off to the side was the policeman who had given Ward
the speeding ticket, the same one who was asked about the tires. The cop did
not seem to expect any questions.
Shelly covered her face. How long is this going to go on?
“It’s an easy question. Why did you give me the ticket when there were
two other cars going faster? Did I look like the easy mark?”
“That attitude will not be allowed.” The Judge snapped.
“I’ll apologize for the ‘attitude,’ but I still would like an answer. Why was
my car chosen?”
“Yours was the only car speeding” The Officer appeared to regain his
confidence.
“Not true Your Honor.” Ward turned and faced the Judge. “I maintained
the same distance behind a white SUV from the time we turned onto 96 from
341. Thus if I was speeding so was he. Also just before the officer turned on
his lights a bronze Toyota soared pass me. The Officer had to have seen the
flash.”
After a pause the Officer asked. “How do you know it was a Toyota and
you don’t know what the SUV was?”
“Nice try junior. - “
”Young man. I will not allow you to be disrespectful to the Officer.”
I’m walking home. Why didn’t I wear those sneakers?
“Your Honor,” Ward pointed his finger at the Judge as he snapped. “Don’t
call me a young man again. You don’t know how old I am and according to
Judge Lander your robe doesn’t give you the authority to insult people.”
“You don’t know Lander.” The Judge seemed to question his statement.
“Played poker with him last night. Sucker for an inside straight.” Ward
smiled as he turned to and nodded at Shelly. All she could think was, Why won’
t he just pay that damn fine?
“Okay, maybe you do know Harry.” For a moment the Judge appeared to
be thinking. “Now answer the question. How did you know it was a Toyota and
don’t know what the SUV was?”
“Ah, maybe because the Toyota passed me in the other lane and the
SUV was couple hundred yards ahead.” Ward turned to the Officer. “Now if I
saw the Toyota why didn’t you?”
“I didn’t see a Toyota.”
“Okay, I’ll accept you don’t know your cars. Why didn’t you see the
bronze car - ”
“One more statement like that and you’re headed for a cell.”
“Your Honor. If I’m not going to be allowed to defend myself as per the
law , why don’t we cut to the chase. You admit this is a kangaroo court and just
throw me in jail. I’m not going to roll over like those three patsies.”
I am walking home. Wonder if Sally will come out here and get me.
Shelly was trying to stay down out of sight. This was not what she excepted
The Judge sat back. This was not going as usual. As the Judge thought
Ward resumed his defense or maybe it was his attack.
“I want to congratulate the Officer on his speed. I’ve never seen a ticket
written so fast and I know several policemen in Columbus. What do you do,
have them pre-written?” Before either the Officer or Judge could speak the
assault continued. Holding up an insurance card Ward remarked. “This card is
up to date. The one I handed you was not. And since you didn’t get inside your
car there’s no way you could have checked using your computer to see if I was
driving legally. Watch it Cowboy, that was a chance for another ticket. Lost
revenue for the Judge.”
The Officer stood dumbfounded. An open mouth Judge kept shifting his
attention between Ward and the Officer. Shelly walked up to the Deputy Sheriff
standing by the door. “Is there a way I can pay his fine and we end this
misery?”
“Maam, if there was, I won’t tell you. This is great. I want to see what
happens.”
“Your Honor,” Ward pressed his attack. He was in control and wanted to
keep it that way. “I’m going to use his own words to prove he either doesn’t
care what he records or isn’t smart to understand what’s told him.”
“Sargent Ringer - ”
“So that is his real name.” Ward acted surprised.
“Yes it is and don’t interrupt me again or I will hit you with contempt. I’m
already tired of you.”
“Told you, contempt is for later. Now if you would look at the Remarks
section of the ticket.” Ward pressed on.
Shelly looked to see if there was a way she could sneak out of the room. I’
m going to find some way to pay that damn fine! This is ridiculous.
“I never told the cop I was a coach, I never have been nor have even
helped coach. Never claimed to.” The Officer started to step forward, “See this
shirt? It’s the same one I was wearing when you stopped me. It says
Commissioner. See this word sown here?” Ward pointed out the embroidering
to the Officer and Judge. “I said I was headed for Auburn not Alabama to enroll
kids, not coach them. Now I did tell him I was trying not to speed. I didn’t
mention that I knew Reynold was the state’s speed trap capital.”
The Judge started to stand and say something. As he did that Shelly
pulled out her phone and began texting, Sally I need a ride. . .
“Hey, ya’ll have worked hard for the title, enjoy it.” Ward was beaming as
he spoke. “Now I want to see his Calibration Log for his radar gun. Also his
Post Radar Certificate Card. And the grade report for that hill where the so
called speeding occurred.”
“What? We don’t have time for that. They don’t matter. I - ” The Judge
was clearly irate.
“The Codes and Judge Lander say I have a right to - ”
“I don’t care what that old buzzard says, I’m the law in Reynolds - ”
“Not any longer.” Yelled a man from the other side of the room as he
stood.
“That’s it. I’m not taking anymore.” The Judge screamed as he pointed to
the man.
“And nether am I.” The man pulled off a wig and false moustache.
“Deputy, you know me. I want him out of here now.” He pointed to the Judge
than the door.
“Yes, Your Honor. . . . Judge, lets go.”
For a moment the Judge stood and looked around as if he was in a state
of shock.
“Judge, not going to ask you again.” The Deputy pointed towards the
door leading to the Judge’s chamber.
As the Judge was lead out of the room Shelly and the man with authority
approached Ward.
Ward gave his girl friend a hug. “See, I told you everything was alright.
Hon, meet Judge Lander.”
“Glad to meet you, He’s said a lot of nice things about you. Couldn’t
believe all of them were true.” Lander gave her hand a quick kiss.
Shelly looked at the two men. “What the hell is going on?”
“While we were playing last night I asked him how to fight the ticket.”
“It was what I was looking for.” Judge Lander interrupted. “This place has
been a legal sore in my district for years. Finally I had a way to sneak in here
and see for myself. Knew your boy friend would keep everyone busy so I won’t
be recognized. Thanks.”
“Glad to help.”
“Ah, what about Ward’s ticket?” Shelly asked.
“Go home. I’ve got to do some paperwork cleaning up this mess. That
ticket will disappear.”
“Now is that legal?” Ward smiled as he asked.
“I’m the law in this district.” The Judge also smiled. “The difference is I
follow the law. So I’m a sucker for an inside straight?”