| Short Story #7 |
| Powder Monkey March 2010 |
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| Allison Doors by Willie Peters |
“Sir, we need to talk to you, sir.”
The officer looked at the two marines who had just entered his office.
Something was amiss. Enlisted marines did not normally talk to naval officers,
that was a job for their own officers. They also did not enter an officer’s office
without asking permission. The Ensign sat back and prepared for what should
be an interesting conversation.
“Go, ahead, you have my attention.”
“Sir, we need to arrest several of your men.”
“You have names for the men you want? You ain’t just walking in here
and grabbing any old body.”
“No sir.” The marine Sergeant stuttered. Clearly he was expecting what
was about to come his way.
“You want to arrest several of my men, but you don’t know their names. I
must take it for granted that you at least know them by sight.”
“Er, well - ”
“Sarge, what the hell you trying to pull?” The officer stood up. Several of
his men also stood, especially the navy’s senior enlisted man for this unit.
“Relax, Chief, this one’s mine. Now before I read you the riot act for an act of
stupidity that even dumb by marine standards, what the hell is this all about?”
“Sir, your men have been opening the allison doors.” Replied a nervous
sergeant.
“Ah, gee what a surprise. How the hell are we suppose to get out of here
if they don’t open those swinging doors up there?”
“Sir, they’re opening them during our drills.”
“Chief, you heard anything about not opening the doors during their
drills?” He shook his head. “Neither have I. There’s nothing wrong with them
leaving this space during a drill.”
“No sir, there’s not. But they’re opening them just as we’re running pass.
My guys are getting clobbered. Private Wilson’s in sick bay right now, busted
nose. He’s got to stay over night.”
The Ensign looked at each of the men in his office. He was having a hard
time not laughing. “If this wasn’t so serious it would be funny. This has
happened more than once?”
“Yes sir. About a dozen times.”
“Chief, give me the navy’s side and no crap about not knowing what
happened.”
“Boss, the marines have been giving the guys speeding tickets.”
“Okay, I should know what those things are, remind me.”
“No one is suppose to wear dirty uniforms on the mess deck. The
problem is our door to this work area is on one side of the mess deck. The
door down to the guys’ berthing area is on the other side. They have to either
cross the mess deck to change to eat or go up, cross the flight deck then back
down. We’d lose at least an hour of work time if they did that.”
“Have you tried talking to the marines?”
“Sir, you ever tried talking to them. They ain’t got no common sense. Just
do as told. Come on junior, make my day, swing.”
“Down both of you. Their Gunny won’t talk to you?”
“No sir. We threaten to hang their guys up over the main engines, but
they won’t budge.”
The Ensign took a few seconds to think over the problem.
“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. Chief, effective right now none of
the guys are going to use those swinging doors to wack the marines. Sarge,
the Chief is going to go up with you and show you where the door is to the guy’
s berthing. You will order your men not to write up any of my men that are
making a . . . Sarge, I don’t let navy enlisted men interrupt me, no way am I
going to allow a marine.”
The Sergeant stepped back.
“Now I am going to finish. You will order your men not write up my men
who are making a bee line between the two doors. If I hear of one bull shit
speeding ticket, during the next Security Drill I’m going to go up to the
Wardroom, pour myself a good cup of coffee and open a book. I will there
forth not be down here when they hang your guys up over the engines. If you
decide to bring the rest of the marine detachment down here on some damn
rescue mission let me remind you there are lots of 1200psi hoses all over this
space. Lines that the guys can easily detach and use to cut you open so fast
you’ll be able to see your stomach before you die.”
The two marines were now wide eyed.
“Now we are on the same ship. We are fighting for the same country. We
will cooperate. If your Major disagrees, have him meet me in the CO’s cabin.
Chief show him the doors. Now all of you out of here, I got work to do.
“Come on jawheads.” The Chief headed for the door.
“Okay squid.” replied the Sergeant.
The Chief turned and faced the Sergeant. “Say that with respect. That’s
a noble title.”
The officer looked at the two marines who had just entered his office.
Something was amiss. Enlisted marines did not normally talk to naval officers,
that was a job for their own officers. They also did not enter an officer’s office
without asking permission. The Ensign sat back and prepared for what should
be an interesting conversation.
“Go, ahead, you have my attention.”
“Sir, we need to arrest several of your men.”
“You have names for the men you want? You ain’t just walking in here
and grabbing any old body.”
“No sir.” The marine Sergeant stuttered. Clearly he was expecting what
was about to come his way.
“You want to arrest several of my men, but you don’t know their names. I
must take it for granted that you at least know them by sight.”
“Er, well - ”
“Sarge, what the hell you trying to pull?” The officer stood up. Several of
his men also stood, especially the navy’s senior enlisted man for this unit.
“Relax, Chief, this one’s mine. Now before I read you the riot act for an act of
stupidity that even dumb by marine standards, what the hell is this all about?”
“Sir, your men have been opening the allison doors.” Replied a nervous
sergeant.
“Ah, gee what a surprise. How the hell are we suppose to get out of here
if they don’t open those swinging doors up there?”
“Sir, they’re opening them during our drills.”
“Chief, you heard anything about not opening the doors during their
drills?” He shook his head. “Neither have I. There’s nothing wrong with them
leaving this space during a drill.”
“No sir, there’s not. But they’re opening them just as we’re running pass.
My guys are getting clobbered. Private Wilson’s in sick bay right now, busted
nose. He’s got to stay over night.”
The Ensign looked at each of the men in his office. He was having a hard
time not laughing. “If this wasn’t so serious it would be funny. This has
happened more than once?”
“Yes sir. About a dozen times.”
“Chief, give me the navy’s side and no crap about not knowing what
happened.”
“Boss, the marines have been giving the guys speeding tickets.”
“Okay, I should know what those things are, remind me.”
“No one is suppose to wear dirty uniforms on the mess deck. The
problem is our door to this work area is on one side of the mess deck. The
door down to the guys’ berthing area is on the other side. They have to either
cross the mess deck to change to eat or go up, cross the flight deck then back
down. We’d lose at least an hour of work time if they did that.”
“Have you tried talking to the marines?”
“Sir, you ever tried talking to them. They ain’t got no common sense. Just
do as told. Come on junior, make my day, swing.”
“Down both of you. Their Gunny won’t talk to you?”
“No sir. We threaten to hang their guys up over the main engines, but
they won’t budge.”
The Ensign took a few seconds to think over the problem.
“Okay, here’s what’s going to happen. Chief, effective right now none of
the guys are going to use those swinging doors to wack the marines. Sarge,
the Chief is going to go up with you and show you where the door is to the guy’
s berthing. You will order your men not to write up any of my men that are
making a . . . Sarge, I don’t let navy enlisted men interrupt me, no way am I
going to allow a marine.”
The Sergeant stepped back.
“Now I am going to finish. You will order your men not write up my men
who are making a bee line between the two doors. If I hear of one bull shit
speeding ticket, during the next Security Drill I’m going to go up to the
Wardroom, pour myself a good cup of coffee and open a book. I will there
forth not be down here when they hang your guys up over the engines. If you
decide to bring the rest of the marine detachment down here on some damn
rescue mission let me remind you there are lots of 1200psi hoses all over this
space. Lines that the guys can easily detach and use to cut you open so fast
you’ll be able to see your stomach before you die.”
The two marines were now wide eyed.
“Now we are on the same ship. We are fighting for the same country. We
will cooperate. If your Major disagrees, have him meet me in the CO’s cabin.
Chief show him the doors. Now all of you out of here, I got work to do.
“Come on jawheads.” The Chief headed for the door.
“Okay squid.” replied the Sergeant.
The Chief turned and faced the Sergeant. “Say that with respect. That’s
a noble title.”